I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I party with great urgency now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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