garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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