My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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