Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
