:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
