ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
