sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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