i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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