First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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