took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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