You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
