All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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