Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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