So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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