We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We need to rekindle our bromance
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
