I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
