It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
