Pregnant stripper...not hot.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
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