last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
