I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
