is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
