Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
