Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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