he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
