I wish I could teleport
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
