No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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