Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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