I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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