Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
