Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
