I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
