One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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