i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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