my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
