Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
