I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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