Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
