This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
