drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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