i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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