he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
