i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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