I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
