Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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