I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
