Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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