I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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