Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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