We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
