i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
