Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
