ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
