you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
