My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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