Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
